Sunny in San Diego

One two three four five six seven…
And bam we are out of overpriced California. But I love San Diego. It’s not as crowded or dirty and polluted as Los Angeles. Plus the people are more down to earth and not as pretentious or fake. You wouldn’t believe how many name droppers there are in LA LA land.

Nobody cares to know you had eye contact with so and so or you were an extra of an extra on some tv show or movie nobody heard of. And then after all that bragging you go wait some tables at a 24 hour diner. Or youre just some trust fund kid with no purpose in life. Make something happen don’t brag about some fake life that doesn’t really exist. And don’t act like a damn big shot when you’re nobody. Too many losers in LA LA land who wait tables who think they are somebody special.
Plenty of people make things happen and work on their own things or they work on great projects. They don’t need to brag about “this big break” that will happen some day.

Big break? Come on now. The big break is when these wanna be actors and actresses and writers are long gone. People with no talent just want their 15 minutes of fame and sell their bodies and souls for what? 99 percent of them never make anything. They also don’t have any real purpose except
To become famous and rich. Sad really.

And then there arw The sob stories we always hear about. Hell even some who do make a few bucks and garner a bit of fame really never made it. And they never made it because it’s not just about fame and money. Yeah it might happen and there are plenty of bad ideas and actors and writers who become wealthy. Then they overdose or disappear and people wonder what happened.

“the creative geniuses” have a hard time they say. Might be True in a sense. The Jimi Hendrix or Jimmy Morrison’s or Michael Jacksons of the world were great artists who died young. Their madness made them great but also killed them. But the Corey Haims of the world? It’s sad to see somebody die and waste away their life but come on now. Nobody thought this was a sad day for hollywood. It was a sad day for his friends and family and fans. But he wasn’t some creative genius. Hell he wasn’t even any good when he was popular over 20 some odd years ago.

Sad? Yes. A true loss? Not moreso than anybody else who dies because of drugs and alcohol or anything else.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that besides a Santa Monica here and a Beverly Hills there, Los Angeles is really one big dump. Remove Hollywood and celebrities from the mix and who would ever want to visit or even live in Los Angeles? It’s really a blue collar town without many jobs. Shipping industy and sweatshops and a bunch of mom and pop like stores from a variety of cultures and personalities. But they all survive because it’s “Hollywood” and not much else. Like I said if there were no Hollywood LA might just be another Camden or Newark or Tacoma. Or it could even become like Detroit. Who knows. Places that have tons of potential and culture but due to No good jobs, various education issues, corruption and lack of hope, they are run down and in a sense, hopeless communities. I think Newark, NJ has improved over the Years but not enough.

It’s sad really.

Really sad when you see ads on tv from celebrities and politicians pushing for donations from normal everyday working people who can barely afford their mortgages or rent or even food. Make a difference? It’s kind of ridiculous when somebody gets paid 20 million a movie or 20 million a year to swing a bat or throw a football pushes people who might earn 12 bucks an hour for money. Americans always donate. Some people donate more than
Others but don’t need to inform the world that they are doing so.

Anyway Thats my Thoughts.

Two more days. That’s all she wrote.
Goodbye San Diego and hello Miami.
Train ride from SD to Los Angeles then from LA to New Orleans.
Then stay a night and rent a car onward from NO to
Florida’s panhandle and the Gulf coast.
Cross from west to east and wind up in
Miami, Florida.

so much packing and organizing and
Clearing out tasks. Not enough time but plenty. Find new doctors. Look for a place. Find a job. Paint some walls and prepare a crib and room. So much to do and not enough time in the day.
Growing up in a sense. Still me but different. I see things differently now. Still my crazy self but in a different way.
Why waste money on needless nonshowable things? Why wake up in the afternoon not remembering anything? Why pretend like staying fit and eating healthy matter when nights are spent filling the body with poisons.
Why lie to the mirror? Spent a long time being a kid really. Money spent on what? Then make some more bread to pretend like it didn’t matter.

moving on. New energy. Son on the way. Be back in San Diego in a few years. For now it’s off to Miami.

A Stifling Rabbit walked along an incurable road and discovered the ultimate Epiphany.
For it’s never about one’s destiny during endless and hopeless battles. Nor is it about reaching one’s full potential according to some fear mongered hope.
Pursuant to a conceptualized realization, an immutable Epiphany if you’d like, it’s never about what others see in him; nor is it ever what they feel is a realization of oneself; rather an acceptance in the eternal damnation of the world within himself and himself within the world.

It’s been a bit since I last posted. Not that I’ve been in trouble or anything or going through mad pain or horrible circumstances or depressing moments. More like just figuring everything out at this point in time. Yes I’ve been kicked out of a bunch of bars. Too much dancing, partying, meatheads, hotheads, and anger issues but at the end of the day it is what it is. Spending way too much money might be the biggest problem but that just happens. Somebody has to support this damn economy. Dealing with various issues is more likely the scenario. And at this point in time it has nothing to do with past relationships.

Walk along an abandoned railroad track and you get a glimpse into the past. Create whatever memory you want to create because at that moment in time who is going to correct you? Or walk along and figure out whatever it is you need to figure out. I’ve met some interesting people over the past year. Some good and some not so good. If I never got divorced I would have never met these people. I’ve partied like I was 22 again except this time I had the money to burn and didn’t have to hang out in the back of a 7-11 or grocery store or wawa sipping on Cisco or Mad Dog. Or I didn’t have to go to a club with 20 bucks and not be able to afford much of anything. Or I wasn’t the person at a club wearing crappy clothes bought at some crappy cheap store. I’m able to buy drinks for everybody in a damn bar at times and other times just drinks for the pretty girls. Which sometimes leads to numbers, leads to conversations, leads to something more as they say. None of that would have been possible if I were still married. True none of these people really matter or give a crap about me, but I never really wanted anything more than that at this point in time. Why would I after all the mess I went through?

However, I was also deep down on myself dealing with everything in the sun. For the longest time I didn’t deal with anything. I became the guy everybody vicariously lives through. I have to top what I did last week so to speak for my ‘fans.’ I was in my own reality tv show in a way. Whether it was partying, bottle service, making it rain, jumping out of airplanes, feeding sharks, hiking 40 miles, or doing random crazy things, it was always about never sitting still. Never sleeping much either. But I also hit the gym hardcore, did my work, and tried to eat healthy. Then things change. Sometimes age does catch up to you or the hard life drains you. The switch to go from party mode to hardcore gym rat was broken. I drained myself soo much that there wasn’t that switch anymore. I tried to workout but I could feel the lack of energy and lack of anything. Maybe a little bit of depression set in at one point for various reasons too. It was a self destructive path that Heath Ledger or Chris Farley would have been scared of that’s for sure. Nowhere to go at a certain point. I guess you either roll with the punches or you roll into a ditch someplace and hide. I’ve never been one to hide for very long.

I’ve met some interesting people who liked me for whatever reasons. I really don’t know if they do or not but that’s another issue that only time will heal I guess. There are tons of issues I have to learn to deal with that have nothing to do with my ex wife. People like to blame everything on that or they like to tell me to move home where everybody loves me. While that’s true to a certain point I left the east coast because I couldn’t stand it there. Too many small minded individuals stuck with no hope and nowhere to go. There are some great people there but there are also a lot of people who gave up on life a long time ago and then blame the world for their problems. I never had that mentality. I always wanted to get out. And while the grass isn’t greener on the other side, I see far more opportunities where I’m at then where I came from. I left the east for many reasons and I have no desire to ever move back there. I will visit, I will laugh, I will enjoy the company when I go but I’ll never live there again. There is nothing for me there. I never fit in there.

Maybe I’ll hike through Europe for a few months soon or sail around the world, who knows. Those are some things I want to do before I get too old to actually enjoy it. I want to set up a charity to remember my sister. I want to actually build my new company into something successful. I also want to date again even though I can tell I keep a far distance these days. There is one girl I’ve been seeing and talking to for about a month now. Some might know her as picnic girl. We aren’t exclusive or anything like that as people who follow me would definitely know. But she’s different. She doesn’t party or drink. She informs me I should start saving money for the future and when I told her I sort of did that once and it didn’t turn out so well, she seems to know the right things to say that make sense. She actually knows about my divorce and doesn’t think negatively of me for it like quite a few people I met thought. And she isn’t afraid of it I guess. And her smile. She has the prettiest smile and loves to laugh. I spent soo much time with somebody who didn’t seem to like laughing that I forgot how much of a kidder and teaser I am. And I forgot what it feels like when somebody can kid and tease you. A sense of humor is worth it’s weight in gold. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and at life sometimes because it’s not always sunny in San Diego. Plus she’s smart. Masters degree and all. But who knows where things will go as like I said, I keep my distance these days. Do I like her? Yeah. But it’s only been a month and we aren’t even exclusive so we’ll see what happens. She is the first girl I’ve actually wanted to hang out with and just relax. We’ve hung out for hours upon hours on our dates just chatting, walking around, seeing the sights, eating, and chatting some more. In the past year or what not most of the other girls I’ve met were more about not getting to know them at all.

So when you walk down the railroad and forget that this track actually has trains passing by, remember to look up and step aside. Sometimes life throws you off a cliff and the only thing you can do is hope you don’t fall too hard. Because you need your hands and feet to climb back up that cliff one rock at a time. Life throws tough punches sometimes, you have to either roll with them and find a way back up or you can go hide and give up. Like I said I’ve never been one to hide for long.

I experienced my second earthquake in California. Yes there have been little ones here and there and the epicenter is not exactly in Downtown San Diego, but still. Last year it was a 4. something out in El Centro. It felt like somebody turned up the bass downstairs. Nobody really cared. This year I was on the 20th floor(top floor) of a building on rollers. It was swaying back and forth and suddenly I felt dizzy. I thought something was wrong with me or I ate something bad or my mind was going crazy. Then I saw the blinds moving and other people asking ‘hey do you feel funny.’ So yeah it was another earthquake. Actually there were 3 earthquakes down off the coast of Baja Mexico. A 5.8, 5.0, and a 6.9. Crazy how 350+ miles away and you still feel after effects. Weird how it felt like a roller coaster and then it felt like i was a little buzzed. Interesting times.

I don’t even know what I”m talking about at this point. I do know a Mr. Andy Kaos came for a visit today and doesn’t want to leave. I think he likes San Diego. He likes the sunshine, the beaches, the desert, and most of all the girls. Who wouldn’t like it here? He knows that I won’t tell him anything bad about the place. Yes there are issues with no money, spoiled trust fund brats, stuck up snobbish ugly looking girls, and overpriced and underpaid areas but saying all that where else in the world would anybody want to be? Nowhere. So Andy Kaos came to visit and refuses to leave. This can be a very good thing. It can also be a very bad thing. Let the chaos begin.

Have you ever been told that you ruined somebodies life? I don’t think I had that much power over anybody before until last week. Somebody, many already know who, sent me a message(this after she supposedly lost my number, deleted all contact on every internet site, etc) claiming I ruined her life. I never replied. I don’t stay in contact with people like that anymore. At first I tried to remain friends for whatever reason. Then it became obvious that there was no point remaining in contact. We weren’t friends. Not even close. It was more about showing up each other. She’d send pics or messages or leave a comment on how she’s in love, planning to have kids, doing this or that. I’d just complain about having no desire to date anybody and how I spend all my money going out all the time. And we probably only exchanged messages about 5 times in the past 4 months. Only times she contacted me was when she needed money. Anyway she got pissed the one time I told her no and the rest is history. Of course I deleted her number but I’ll get a text message from some random number saying I”m an a-hole or the whole ‘i ruined her life.’ I find that funny really.

Seriously after all the crap she put me through and continued to put me through she’s going to go down that path? What a pathetic excuse for a life. Maybe I shouldn’t go that far. No I will go that far. She made her choice or choices. She did what she did for whatever reason and continued to try and mess with my life. If we just broke up and moved on, then it is what it is, but she tried to leach and leach and then I guess when others weren’t giving her a damn thing anymore she blames me. Go figure I should just shut up. But those who know me know I won’t. Some people are just pathetic excuses for human beings.

She cheats, has an affair, refuses to get divorced, continues to cheat, calls the cops on me, tries to play some game where her and her bf screw me over, then tries to finagle even more money, then after I buy her a car and am the one who moves out, she can’t find anybody who will pay her to do whatever, she moves on to Texas. She hates it there and tries to get back with me. I wanted nothing to do with her so it wasn’t going to happen. Then she drives back to San Diego and stays over some guys house who she sells something or does something for and then doesn’t get paid and she wants me to handle the matter. She almost gets stuck cause she has no money and nobody is giving her any and she asks me for a few bucks. I wasn’t giving her anything more at that point. And I still tried to be her friend back then for who knows what reason. Wow….the stupidity of my stupid mind. Then who knows what happened. She met some new guy in Texas. A marine who supposedly she loved and he loved her. She gets a job and a tattoo. But then her car breaks down, she gets laid off, and she asks me for money. I tell her no and she goes psycho. I am glad she lives in Texas and not in San Diego because who knows what she would have done. I already got hit in the head with a damn frying pan once and she almost ran me off the road another time. Nobody really knows all the stories. People often wonder about certain things. Sorry but most of those other stories just aren’t leaving the vault. Sometimes you have to keep things locked up for your own sanity. Sometimes you wonder what the hell you saw in somebody for her to go that psycho and then you see moments over the years that might have explained those situations. Or maybe you just don’t want to look into that mirror and admit you were stupid. Or maybe it’s hard to figure out where the hell you went wrong. Maybe I should have listened to a little old lady a long time ago. A little old lady who told me I should just find a nice Jewish girl. Maybe I should have listened to her.

I told you I’d have pictures and a story…
If you are a friend of mine on facebook, then you’ve seen this pictures already…at least if you looked at them. If you’re not a friend on FB or didn’t look at them yet, then check them out, come back and read the Walk of an insane man (from Oceanside, CA to La Jolla, CA – 31+ miles later).

Oceanside to La Jolla Walk..

So where do I start? Well that’s simple what idiotic person would actually think about walking from Oceanside, CA to Pacific Beach(PB) ? That’s over 30 miles in walking and knowing how I roll and my ‘shortcuts’, that’s closer to 40 miles. No sane person would willingly do this. In fact, some people might have refused to do this if they had a gun held to their head or were offered $10K. But I guess I (PJAM3, PJAM, Peter J Jamack III, PJ3, Pistol Pete, Pete da killa, Bloody Pete, Peter J, Petey Pete, Peter, Pete, whatever name you want to call me) isn’t sane. More like insane considering after the long insane walk I went horseback riding the next day. Yes I must be insane. How do I put up with myself?

I changed plans early on in the day because it seems the Coaster train that goes from Downtown San Diego up to Oceanside, CA and back only runs out of Oceanside till 630pm on Saturdays. I was not going to make it up to Oceanside from PB by 630pm. So I needed to figure out another option to complete my trek. And not starting my trek was definitely NOT in my vocabulary at that time. What did I do you might ask? Well stay tuned…Just kidding.

I figured I could park downtown and take the Coaster up to Oceanside early in the morning. $6.50 for a one way ticket was pretty good. But go figure early meant the earliest train out of San Diego was 945am and wouldn’t arrive into Oceanside until like 1040am. Great, I was going to start my journey close to lunch time. No worries though.

The ride on the Coaster was magnificent. It was relatively empty and I sat up on the second deck. Great views, relaxing(even though the seats were not that comfortable), but nothing can be that perfect can it. There was some little kid about 9 or 10. He was a bit on the chubby side and he decided to run back and forth the entire time. And running back and forth wasn’t just enough but he had to scream, shout, holler, plus run back and forth and bang each seat. He never touched my seat but his behavior was annoying as hell. Add to the fact his fat father seemed to just sit and chuckle at all this and you have on big fat family I guess. It sure didn’t look like this kid ran much. More like ate too much. I will stop now. It was annoying is all I’ll say and I’m sure the other passengers on the trip felt the same as I did. At least they didn’t go all the way to Oceanside. They got off around Carlsbad. Anyway…

So I get off in Oceanside and it’s raining. Some older couple got off the train with me and their family laughed and said, “Welcome to the great Southern California weather.” It was kind of funny as there was nothing but overcast skies and some drops of rain. Not what you’d expect I guess. It was a bit on the chilly side too and I wasn’t too smart in my attire choices. I wore a muscle workout shirt with no sleeves and shorts. I did wear plenty of sunscreen lotion this time but like I would need it much.

To be continued…..

You know an odd thing I’ve noticed since I moved to the west coast are people who seem to be flakes and fakes. Yes a lot of people out here(California, Oregon, or Washington) are fakes and flakes. Or more like the term ‘flake’ is often used for everything when it comes to communication issues or plain old rude behavior. There are times when you just want to avoid confrontation and arguments and then ignore somebody. Nothing wrong with that. There are other times when you have to put on the happy face and go with the flow for political or friend related concerns. Other times you just put somebody in their place. Not here in California or Seattle for most people. It seems they aren’t flakes or fakes. Flat out liars and assholes. Nothing wrong with that if they admit it. Or as I like to call them, ‘pretend nice people’.

What is a ‘pretend nice person’ ?

It is a person who would be considered a flake. Instead of telling you they aren’t coming or they have other plans or they don’t want to come, they avoid the whole conversation. Sometimes they’ll say they are coming or going. Sometimes they’ll just ignore the question but ask to be invited somewhere. It is a weird occurrence that seems to happen all the time out here. And it doesn’t seem to matter if it’s males, females, friends, dates, girlfriends, boyfriends, co-workers, managers, etc. If you don’t want to go or can’t go just say it. These lame excuses or avoidance tactics are asshole behavior. AKA pretend nice person behavior.

It’s also a person who continues to talk to you even though they can’t stand you. It’s a person who talks about you to everybody else but pretends to be your friend for no reason at all. I mean sometimes in certain circles you don’t want to hate on one person if everybody else thinks that person is cool. You might come off as the uncool person or hater. But when your social circles don’t really connect and you have no real relationship, what the hell is the point? Avoid the person, ignore the person or tell them to leave you alone. But no it’s the whole pretend to be into for whatever the hell reason. AKA pretend nice person behavior.

It can be a person who makes all these plans with others and never shows up. And either they have some lame excuse or lame last minute story or they avoid you long enough so the next time you see them they assume you forgot about that event they never showed up to. Really sucks when you have to plan ahead for it and count them as one of the guests who plan to show up. So instead of standing up and telling you the real reason they couldn’t go or tell you they didn’t want to go in the first place, they act like assholes. The truth is they are really assholes who don’t think they are assholes. AKA pretend nice people.

It sure seems on the east coast a lot more people will tell you like it is while on the west coast half the people are pretend nice. Which just means they are assholes who can’t admit the truth. And the truth is ‘pretend nice people’ are nothing more than assholes. They can call themselves whatever the hell they want.

Normal Heights to Oceanside
Find more Walks in San Diego, California

I ‘m planning to walk from PB(Pacific Beach) to Oceanside on Saturday. That’s around a 40 mile walk, one way. I have to figure out how the hell I”m getting back. Maybe I’ll take the coaster train. It should be fun. You ask why am I doing this? Just to do it for one and for another there is a pedometer challenge at work and I don’t like to lose. I figure I’ll be way ahead of everybody else and if the rest of my team does just average next week, we should win. I like winning.