Moving, roommate drama(some people want to live by themselves but cant afford it) plus I have a new girlfriend I’ve been spending a lot of time with.
Once I get settled into my new place(hopefully I find a new place soon as I’ll be living in my car for a bit if I don’t) I’ll get back into the swing of things. Keep checking back.
Some people write to make it a career. Some people write just to write. And some people write to make their stories, opinions and ideas known. I guess all of those are valid reasons. But for me half the time I write because I have to write. I have millions of little stories and poems floating around so many places that most will probably be lost forever. Or maybe 100 years after I’m dead somebody will find them and give me the right credit. Who knows about that as I’ll be long gone and the way things are going it doesn’t look like I’ll be having any next of kin that’s for sure. Maybe my nephews and their children and my cousin’s cousin’s kids will lay claim. Who knows and who really cares at that point.
The madness behind all of this is that many times I have no other choice. If it’s 3am and something pops into my head I have to get up and write it or at least take notes about it. My mind isn’t as crazy as it once was I think, but who knows about that theory. People would tell you back in high school that I would look like a man possessed when I started writing. I’d write 50 pages in such a short time and after all was said and done I’d have no clue how the hell all that was written. There are many stories I’ve read years later and thought there was no way I wrote that, good and bad. My problem was always never having faith in my abilities. And then other times I’d refuse to write. Writing takes a lot out of me. It drains me.
It drains me because it’s not just that I’m writing but I’m living and breathing my stories. If a character is going insane, I’m right there with them. If a story is about evil or good or whatever I’m in that story. Which brings me to a new story I’ve been working on for months now. Yeah it revolves around the divorce but it’s so much more than that it’s not funny. For the longest time I had no clue where to go with the story. I had ideas but none of them were anything special. They were just thoughts. And then one day something happened and suddenly I started recreating this story and a week later I have 100 pages written. It’s a long process to go and finish, re-edit, rearrange, and make it special, but I think I needed something good to happen at some point. I’m not so sure it was a good moment anymore, but at that time I felt it was good enough. Call it a good date with a cool person that spawned the creative juices. Who knows why things happen the way they do but they do.
The story isn’t really about me per say but it sure has a ton of realistic situations so far that either happened or were so close to what happened that it’s hard not to go through the same emotions again. Which means not only am I draining myself because I’m writing but I’m also draining myself because I’m going through all those emotions once again. And I’m not even at some of the hardest moments. That will come soon enough. But I do know after all the drainage and pain and suffering and lack of sleep I will be happy after all is said and done. Everything I write comes from my heart. Everything I do basically revolves around me being honest with myself. All the good, bad, and ugly that I might have gone through. I’m not going to sugar coat it or create some fake persona like soo many I’ve met seem to do. They don’t want people knowing their vulnerabilities. They don’t want people knowing the truth. You know what the truth is, we’re all human and most of us mess up. We get back up and fight another day. Seems everybody just wants everybody else to believe they are better than them and it’s all peaches and cream. What a silly concept really.
Peter J Jamack III, better known as PJAM3, wrote another poem/story. He’s going crazy with stories these days. Or more like short tales of something morbid. Maybe he’s gone crazy. I think that’s it, PJAM3 has gone insane. Funny pun if you get it. You be the judge, executioner and jury. Another funny pun or inside joke.
Anyway, Go Check it out on PJAM3′s blog,
I created something called Piece by Peace
You can read it over on my PJAM3 blog. However if you want to comment on it, please feel free to submit something on my Sunny in San Diego blog here.
The days are not a changing. Yesterday sucked and today started out crappy. I didn’t get much sleep, had a nightmare about the ex, and then I decided not to take any pain killers this morning. Big mistake. My back killed me all day and my ankle wasn’t exactly loving life. But all of this follows the cray dreams/nightmares I had the other night. Actually I don’t even know what to call them at this point because in all honesty, it’s not just dreams/nightmares.
I seem to have this recurring dream about some shadowy figure who sort of reminds me of the grim reaper. This has been going on for months now. It’ s not an every night thing, but it’s something that happens often enough. Maybe I should google it and find out the meaning behind it. The scary part though is it’s not just a dream. I mean it is but I actually wake up, at least it feels like that and I’m staring at these shadowy figures in my room. Sometimes I get up and try to chase them away. Other times I just stare and don’t do anything. But I’m not actually asleep anymore when this happens. Kind of freaky really if you think about it. Or maybe I am asleep and I just don’t know it. Most of the time the shadowy figure just fade away or disappears or I stare at it long enough and it starts to resemble what it really is. The one time it was my hiking backpack. Not sure how that resembled a shadowy figure but it did. Another time it was a shirt and pants reflection off of my computer screen. But as I said I usually go back to sleep or wind up waking up and that’s that. At least I think that’s that.
But the other night it was even weirder. It’s like the shadowy figure didn’t go away. It stayed and kept inching closer to my bed. It started out in the closet and moved ever so slowly across the floor. It was like stalking me or something as it never really got that close to me. Then I did what I normally do but it didn’t go away. At that point I must have been freaking out as it started to look less and less like a shadowy figure and more and more like the grim reaper. So I sat up and stared. My wiped my eyes and even got daring and got out of bed and turned the bathroom light on. And then it was gone. Maybe I woke up.
So I splashed some water on my face, took a couple sips of water and then went back to bed. The next time I woke up there was no shadowy figure haunting me. This time it was some person dressed in a tuxedo with a red bow tie, a mustache and some angry weird smile. It almost looked like some funeral director or something. This character stood in the same spot as the shadowy grim reaper too. So I stare and it doesn’t move. I wipe my eyes and it’s still there. Finally I get up again and turn on the light and it’s gone. Maybe it was just some reflection. Maybe it was the hiking backpack. Or maybe I’m really going crazy as these aren’t just dreams or nightmares. I mean I’m waking up because I’m seeing these things in my room after I get up in the middle of the night.
Normal Heights to Oceanside
Find more Walks in San Diego, California
I ‘m planning to walk from PB(Pacific Beach) to Oceanside on Saturday. That’s around a 40 mile walk, one way. I have to figure out how the hell I”m getting back. Maybe I’ll take the coaster train. It should be fun. You ask why am I doing this? Just to do it for one and for another there is a pedometer challenge at work and I don’t like to lose. I figure I’ll be way ahead of everybody else and if the rest of my team does just average next week, we should win. I like winning.
It’s been one of those weeks. No, it’s been one of those months. Actually it’s been going on for quite awhile, who knows how long. Did you ever have the feeling that you’re running in circles or stuck on a treadmill? No matter what you do or try it doesn’t seem to matter. You might walk a thousand miles, jump out of a plane, swim across the sea, workout all the time, and then go feed sharks but none of it really fixes anything. You’re not moving or going anywhere. Or you wind up back where you started regardless of how far you’ve traveled. Maybe it’s emptiness. Maybe it’s change. Maybe it’s nothing. Or maybe it’s everything.
You dance around town, almost like a clown, just to hide that frown.
Sometimes appearances and attitudes are deceiving. Deceiving to those around you. Deceiving to your own identity. What if people see you as either cheerful, peaceful, hopeful, angry, depressed, or filled with so, oh so much energy. Maybe all of it is fake or all of it’s true, who knows. Some assume things will change for the better, while others pat you on the back and tell you everything will be fine. And still others just assume it’s about dating or sleeping or whatever the hell it is they assume. It’s not about any of those things. However people continue to assume they know what they are talking about when it comes to knowing the real you. Nobody knows anything.
What if one day you wake up and the mirror lies?
The same eyes aren’t the same eyes. The same smile isn’t the same smile. There is only a fake smile hiding a fake frown.
The shadow isn’t the shadow you once knew. The dreams you once dreamed are now nightmares. The nightmares aren’t even nightmares anymore.
What if you wake up one day and the reflection in the mirror is no longer you?
During my break today I strolled around Little Italy for a moment. Normally I’ll visit YogurtLand, purchase some good yogurt for a decent price, and then head back to work. Today was a little different because some young woman had some flyers advertising a brand new water boutique right next to YogurtLand.. She asked me if I wanted to tour the place and I, of course, figured why not check it out as it probably wouldn’t take that long.
It was kind of weird. They sell water. They sell organic flip flops. They offer water massages in a bucket for your feet. They have some tranquility room with a massage chair that’s supposed to only be offered in Japan. Then there is some VIP lounge room where they offer like 38 different kinds of hot and cold teas. I had a couple of samples and it was different. Some pear ice tea that had a limited flavor. More like not much of a flavor. The hot tea I had was supposed to give me some energy. It was served in a nice big bowl and tasted different. Different as in not that good. Actually tasted like liquid dirt. So I don’t know. Maybe the other offerings would have tasted better.
I will give them credit for creating a beautiful two story office loft with awesome ambiance, refreshing colors, attractive smells, an attentive staff and a relaxing atmosphere. Plus the view of Little Italy and India Street are priceless. But they are pricey and I just don’t see many people paying sooo much money for tea and water just to chill and relax. I wish them the best and hope they succeed as everybody there was super friendly. I’ll probably even check it out and actually buy something in the future, but I’m not so sure a Water Boutique in Little Italy on India Street next to YogurtLand is such a great business idea. Maybe in La Jolla or Beverly Hills, but Little Italy? You have to wonder.
It seems our president (Mr. Obama) wants to spend another trillion dollars( Yes $$$$1 TRILLION) on saving the US Medical/Health industry. Or more like he wants to provide some kind of medical coverage/insurance for those who might be uninsured or under insured. I haven’t dug deep into his overall plan but I’ve heard some reports and read some data to know $$$$ 1 TRILLION bucks is a hell of a lot just to cover those who don’t have medical coverage now. I’m not too happy about his last billion dollar bailouts where it seems the people who screwed everybody over are the ones benefiting.
Please Explain to me how Citigroup is going to pay back the ‘taxpayers’ when they were removed from the stock market? I doubt they are going to hand me and everybody else a few bucks. And what about the extra refund check we got in 2008? Yeah the same check that I had to pay back in taxes this year on. Oh thanks for the helping hand Mr. Bush last year and Mr. Obama this year. But now I’m getting off topic, which I seem to do often. It’s that ADHD or ADD or whatever.
If every single person in the US would be covered under some universal health plan, I’d consider it. If it meant higher taxes but excellent medical coverage where I either don’t pay for crap or have to pay some small co-pay like 50 bucks, I’d consider it. But this plan seems to only favor those without insurance. Hey I’m all for helping less fortunate people than I but when taxes and other living expenses are rising but salaries and income seem to be increasing only by about 3-4 percent, if you’re lucky, something doesn’t add up. Those kind of raises won’t even keep up with inflation, yet alone tax increases. And as far as inflation….it seems we might be heading for some scary numbers if oil keeps going up and we keep printing meaningless money to bail everybody out but the taxpayers who need to foot the bill for generations to come. Capitalist society my behind. Obama seems intent on building some kind of socialist/communist country.
Government owned auto manufacturers, government owned banks, government owned this and that really seems like we’re heading that route. So who really won the cold war? Moscow right now has more billionaires than NYC. How can that even be close to the truth, but it seems to be the news. Where are we heading? You can’t just keep bailing everybody out and not provide jobs for people in the US. Oh I forgot about the Green and Environmental jobs Obama proposes. From all the reports and stats it seems like a hell of a lot of $10-12 an hour jobs. Great if you can get it but if our taxes rise because of trillions and trillions of dollars in bailouts, food and gas keep going up, etc probably means those kind of jobs aren’t exactly jobs that will help people survive. Not in the long run. Or maybe it is true what a few people who were mostly shunned over the years said. The big corporations and executives and the elitist wealthy want the US to compete with the rest of the world. And that’s a world where over half the population in some countries live on less than a dollar per day. We’ve already heard Microsoft make claims that they might have to offshore and outsource more jobs if new tax regulations go into effect. We can’t compete with that reality. If a company wants to go cheap, how the hell can anybody in the US compete with somebody in a country where over half their population live off of $1 a day? We can’t.
Or maybe I’m wrong and this is all for the better good. But at this point Obama doesn’t look any different than Bush except half the lemmings worship Obama like he’s Elvis or the Beatles or some celebrity. Hell, I bet half these people look at him as some ‘savior’, some kind of Jesus or Moses or Mohammad or Confucius or the Dali Lama. People are lemmings, plain and simple. They search for somebody to answer their prayers because half the time they are too lazy, too immature, or too desperate to fight for hope themselves. Or maybe most people just are followers. They hope somebody else can save their day. Or maybe people are hopeless and need somebody else who will save them. The reality is if you can’t save yourself nobody else will be able to save you. But nobody ever wants to hear that. They just want to assume some magic pie in the sky or some ‘savior’ politician, celebrity, religious fanatic, or whatever will be the answer to all their prayers. Sorry but it doesn’t work like that. Even if Obama or somebody else came along and had all the answers to your prayers, do you really think they’d help you if you’re just somebody who comes off as a desperate leech? Everybody needs a helping hand now and again. Some more so than others. But if you don’t want to work for anything and expect everything to be handed to you by some magic formula, don’t be disappointed and blame your presumed savior when it doesn’t turn out like you hoped.
And this Trillion dollar Medical insurance bailout will just be another taxpayer nightmare that seems to favor those who shouldn’t get any favors at this point. These bailouts have done what for who? Given money to those who scammed everybody. Given money to an industry that is more full of crap than based on facts. Now we want to give money to an industry(insurance) that is based on (as Chris Rock once said) ‘In case shit happens.’ The insurance industry is another big scam. And the government run Medical Insurance industry would be what exactly? Another industry run by the government. No I guess that’s not how the Communists did things. Government controlling everything.
Over the past couple of weekends I’ve led a drama free life. I work all week, clean up as my roomie is away, go to my classes, and then do it all over again the next day. Nothing too spectacular. Then on the weekends the past few weeks I hit a bar/club on Friday night and then chill the rest of the weekend. The Friday night a couple weeks back I hung out in PB(Pacific Beach) on Garnett Ave. Well really I just went to two places. Started the night off with the best happy hour in the business (4pm-10pm 2 buck drinks and free appetizers) at a bar called Johnny V’s. Decent enough crowd there until after 9pm when it starts to die down. At that time I usually hit up another favorite spot with lots of attractive people(crowd is 21-25 mostly), great bartenders, a dance floor, some TVs, an outdoor patio, great drink specials and fun filled times. That place is Moondoggies. It’s not always fun filled times though as knuckle heads and ‘i’m tougher than you’ idiots like to start trouble. But the past few weekends it’s been nothing but good times. And that Friday night my cousin and his girlfriend stopped by before they left for the east coast the next day. It was great hanging with them over that week when they were here. My other cousin and her husband were in town as well. It was fun times during my birthday week.
Then this past Friday night I went to see a band called Dying to Wake . Good punk and rock and roll band who put on a fabulous show at a place called JT’s Pub and Grille. What was surprising was it was a packed house. It was only their second show but maybe JT’s is always that packed, I don’t know as that was the first time I visited that bar. Or maybe it was because the one bartender is in the band, who knows. My friend is in the band Dying to Wake , so that’s why I went.
I did hit up my old hangout McGregors with some cool bartenders and good food later that night as well. It was all fun times. Drama free. Later on I did wind up walking home as I don’t drive much at night anymore for varioius reasons and I didn’t feel like paying for a taxi. I walked about 18 miles that night. Crazy times. A lot of time to think I guess or dodge cars, whatever came first.
As far as drama free, like I said both the past two weekends after Friday night all I did was relax and chill. Chilling at home eating, sleeping, looking out at the bay, and taking care of avie and houston(two birds). It was rather boring I might say. I’m not a big fan of drama free weekends I guess. I have no desire to be trapped in some drama filled bar experience where bad things wind up happening but just chilling home all weekend isn’t my idea of fun. I never liked just chilling or relaxing. I like to sky dive or hike or scuba dive or swim or sail or do whatever. I love adventures that get my adrenaline pumped to the max. But for whatever reason the past two weekends I decided to take it easy. Also I’ve been tired and fatigued as hell. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I haven’t really worked out at all in the past month. I used to hit the gym 5-6 times a week and run a few more days. These days I’ve been lazy. I need to get back into the swing of things or something. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Drama less weekends aren’t my cup of tea and tiring weeks aren’t my idea of where my life should be. I don’t know maybe I just need to think. Or maybe I just need to wake the hell up and start doing what I say. Or maybe things are what they are because I’m just going through crap and drama free is probably better than ignoring them.