Sunny in San Diego

I watched to a little excerpt from David Hitz about leadership and solving problems. It seems like great advice. What he said was simple :

1 – Who owns the problem?
2 – Do you trust this person to solve this problem?
3 – If the first two don’t work, find somebody you trust to find and solve the problem.

Seems like great advice to me that a lot of managers fail to realize or follow. Over the years I’ve worked with a lot of smart people and a lot of average people. And it more times than not it seems there were a lot of managers who didn’t know how to delegate, didn’t know how to trust, had ego issues, had micro-management issues, or they simply not very good managers or people in general. Some people seem to think they are more important than they really are or maybe it’s a facade they have to push out to the public. Who knows. Sometimes leadership is about trusting your team. If you can’t trust them it means you need to find new people or you need to find a new job and/or career. Look at sports. Some coaches know how to find the right assistants and players. Others are soo smart and dedicated yet they are horrible head coaches. Find people you trust and let them do their jobs. Otherwise the leader is the one who should be out of a job.

It’s been a bit since I last posted. Not that I’ve been in trouble or anything or going through mad pain or horrible circumstances or depressing moments. More like just figuring everything out at this point in time. Yes I’ve been kicked out of a bunch of bars. Too much dancing, partying, meatheads, hotheads, and anger issues but at the end of the day it is what it is. Spending way too much money might be the biggest problem but that just happens. Somebody has to support this damn economy. Dealing with various issues is more likely the scenario. And at this point in time it has nothing to do with past relationships.

Walk along an abandoned railroad track and you get a glimpse into the past. Create whatever memory you want to create because at that moment in time who is going to correct you? Or walk along and figure out whatever it is you need to figure out. I’ve met some interesting people over the past year. Some good and some not so good. If I never got divorced I would have never met these people. I’ve partied like I was 22 again except this time I had the money to burn and didn’t have to hang out in the back of a 7-11 or grocery store or wawa sipping on Cisco or Mad Dog. Or I didn’t have to go to a club with 20 bucks and not be able to afford much of anything. Or I wasn’t the person at a club wearing crappy clothes bought at some crappy cheap store. I’m able to buy drinks for everybody in a damn bar at times and other times just drinks for the pretty girls. Which sometimes leads to numbers, leads to conversations, leads to something more as they say. None of that would have been possible if I were still married. True none of these people really matter or give a crap about me, but I never really wanted anything more than that at this point in time. Why would I after all the mess I went through?

However, I was also deep down on myself dealing with everything in the sun. For the longest time I didn’t deal with anything. I became the guy everybody vicariously lives through. I have to top what I did last week so to speak for my ‘fans.’ I was in my own reality tv show in a way. Whether it was partying, bottle service, making it rain, jumping out of airplanes, feeding sharks, hiking 40 miles, or doing random crazy things, it was always about never sitting still. Never sleeping much either. But I also hit the gym hardcore, did my work, and tried to eat healthy. Then things change. Sometimes age does catch up to you or the hard life drains you. The switch to go from party mode to hardcore gym rat was broken. I drained myself soo much that there wasn’t that switch anymore. I tried to workout but I could feel the lack of energy and lack of anything. Maybe a little bit of depression set in at one point for various reasons too. It was a self destructive path that Heath Ledger or Chris Farley would have been scared of that’s for sure. Nowhere to go at a certain point. I guess you either roll with the punches or you roll into a ditch someplace and hide. I’ve never been one to hide for very long.

I’ve met some interesting people who liked me for whatever reasons. I really don’t know if they do or not but that’s another issue that only time will heal I guess. There are tons of issues I have to learn to deal with that have nothing to do with my ex wife. People like to blame everything on that or they like to tell me to move home where everybody loves me. While that’s true to a certain point I left the east coast because I couldn’t stand it there. Too many small minded individuals stuck with no hope and nowhere to go. There are some great people there but there are also a lot of people who gave up on life a long time ago and then blame the world for their problems. I never had that mentality. I always wanted to get out. And while the grass isn’t greener on the other side, I see far more opportunities where I’m at then where I came from. I left the east for many reasons and I have no desire to ever move back there. I will visit, I will laugh, I will enjoy the company when I go but I’ll never live there again. There is nothing for me there. I never fit in there.

Maybe I’ll hike through Europe for a few months soon or sail around the world, who knows. Those are some things I want to do before I get too old to actually enjoy it. I want to set up a charity to remember my sister. I want to actually build my new company into something successful. I also want to date again even though I can tell I keep a far distance these days. There is one girl I’ve been seeing and talking to for about a month now. Some might know her as picnic girl. We aren’t exclusive or anything like that as people who follow me would definitely know. But she’s different. She doesn’t party or drink. She informs me I should start saving money for the future and when I told her I sort of did that once and it didn’t turn out so well, she seems to know the right things to say that make sense. She actually knows about my divorce and doesn’t think negatively of me for it like quite a few people I met thought. And she isn’t afraid of it I guess. And her smile. She has the prettiest smile and loves to laugh. I spent soo much time with somebody who didn’t seem to like laughing that I forgot how much of a kidder and teaser I am. And I forgot what it feels like when somebody can kid and tease you. A sense of humor is worth it’s weight in gold. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and at life sometimes because it’s not always sunny in San Diego. Plus she’s smart. Masters degree and all. But who knows where things will go as like I said, I keep my distance these days. Do I like her? Yeah. But it’s only been a month and we aren’t even exclusive so we’ll see what happens. She is the first girl I’ve actually wanted to hang out with and just relax. We’ve hung out for hours upon hours on our dates just chatting, walking around, seeing the sights, eating, and chatting some more. In the past year or what not most of the other girls I’ve met were more about not getting to know them at all.

So when you walk down the railroad and forget that this track actually has trains passing by, remember to look up and step aside. Sometimes life throws you off a cliff and the only thing you can do is hope you don’t fall too hard. Because you need your hands and feet to climb back up that cliff one rock at a time. Life throws tough punches sometimes, you have to either roll with them and find a way back up or you can go hide and give up. Like I said I’ve never been one to hide for long.

The light bulbs aren’t the problem because they aren’t electric. The fuel is fine. The flame is OK. The post is busted and therefore crashes to the street. Nothing matters after this because everything becomes busted. Take care of the post before you create the perfect lamp. It doesn’t matter though. Nobody pays any attention. They pass on by never imagining a night without light. That is until it happens and everything is a surprise, but it never really was a surprise. People just don’t pay attention to the simple things. They don’t recognize small finite patterns. Once broken and busted, where do you go from there? It might be too late for the little old lady or the car with one dull light. And so goes life.

Ever look back on your life and start to think everybody else made out better than you? Not jealousy or hatred or anything like that but people who met you seemed to have gained a lot more from knowing you than from you knowing them. Sometimes you wonder where all the people like you are that you would have benefited from. Maybe you always met the wrong people, but then again lets talk about fate. Some people might be doomed or cursed. Keep digging out of a whole only to find out they built a wall on top of it. Climb over that wall only to find another and another and another. The light at the end of the tunnel never really existed. False hope one might say. Teasers others might reckon.

Give everything and receive nothing in return isn’t the problem. It is the person inside you and that won’t change. But once in awhile people not expecting anything from you or helping you or lending you a hand or doing something that only they could have done that would change your life for the better would be nice. Sort of like what you’ve been doing your whole life. It just seems the majority of people met gained a lot more from me than vice versa. Yes there is appreciation and most people do offer something here and there but it’s always about scratching a back and they scratch yours. Sometimes you just help because it’s the right thing to do and expect nothing in return. Regardless of who it is or how they have treated you or will treat you. Once in a while I guess it would be nice to meet yourself in a different form. But so goes life and fate and the curse of a doomed life.

Been there done that they say. Enjoy every day they claim. Tomorrow is a new day they tell you. What they really should say is sometimes life sucks. Sometimes tomorrow is worse than today. And sometimes next week or next month only shits more crap down on you. Life is never fair. Life isn’t always fun. You try and have fun every day but sometimes you’re lonely in a swarm of a million bees. Maybe you’re lost and don’t know what to believe anymore. It wasn’t always like this. There was hope for the future. But what future really? Maybe it’s all one bad recurring nightmare. Or it could be one pointless life. Save the world from what? Change the world for who? Nothing happening on that front around here. Listen to stories of others and think what the hell have I been doing? Look back and think about wasted time. Wasted goals and dreams. Then you think about one little bee trying to escape and change the world only to find out it can’t even save itself. Little bee turned blue then red, then flew into a zapper and was found dead.

My head hurts. My eyes have blurred vision today. My contacts weren’t the problem. I think I really screwed up my head. Anger issues, depression issues, so so many issues that just don’t seem to be resolved or turning the corner. Each day gets worse. Tommorrow turns out to be a lot worse than today and today was worse than yesterday. What’s the point really? I don’t know anymore.

Even friends try to preach the word of G-d or take me to church. I don’t believe in any of that anymore and in all honesty, I hear the word friend and G-d and it just pisses me off even more. At this point in time if G-d were any other friend of mine, I’d have tossed him aside a long time ago. Wrote him off as a bad friend. So don’t tell me about a friend that’s always there because I don’t feel it or see it or believe it. I just see it as one big joke. For if G-d were real, he’d be an asshole and not a friend. And I’ve had plenty of asshole friends over the years. Heck I had an asshole ex-wife. I don’t need any more friends like that.

I told you I’d have pictures and a story…
If you are a friend of mine on facebook, then you’ve seen this pictures already…at least if you looked at them. If you’re not a friend on FB or didn’t look at them yet, then check them out, come back and read the Walk of an insane man (from Oceanside, CA to La Jolla, CA – 31+ miles later).

Oceanside to La Jolla Walk..

So where do I start? Well that’s simple what idiotic person would actually think about walking from Oceanside, CA to Pacific Beach(PB) ? That’s over 30 miles in walking and knowing how I roll and my ‘shortcuts’, that’s closer to 40 miles. No sane person would willingly do this. In fact, some people might have refused to do this if they had a gun held to their head or were offered $10K. But I guess I (PJAM3, PJAM, Peter J Jamack III, PJ3, Pistol Pete, Pete da killa, Bloody Pete, Peter J, Petey Pete, Peter, Pete, whatever name you want to call me) isn’t sane. More like insane considering after the long insane walk I went horseback riding the next day. Yes I must be insane. How do I put up with myself?

I changed plans early on in the day because it seems the Coaster train that goes from Downtown San Diego up to Oceanside, CA and back only runs out of Oceanside till 630pm on Saturdays. I was not going to make it up to Oceanside from PB by 630pm. So I needed to figure out another option to complete my trek. And not starting my trek was definitely NOT in my vocabulary at that time. What did I do you might ask? Well stay tuned…Just kidding.

I figured I could park downtown and take the Coaster up to Oceanside early in the morning. $6.50 for a one way ticket was pretty good. But go figure early meant the earliest train out of San Diego was 945am and wouldn’t arrive into Oceanside until like 1040am. Great, I was going to start my journey close to lunch time. No worries though.

The ride on the Coaster was magnificent. It was relatively empty and I sat up on the second deck. Great views, relaxing(even though the seats were not that comfortable), but nothing can be that perfect can it. There was some little kid about 9 or 10. He was a bit on the chubby side and he decided to run back and forth the entire time. And running back and forth wasn’t just enough but he had to scream, shout, holler, plus run back and forth and bang each seat. He never touched my seat but his behavior was annoying as hell. Add to the fact his fat father seemed to just sit and chuckle at all this and you have on big fat family I guess. It sure didn’t look like this kid ran much. More like ate too much. I will stop now. It was annoying is all I’ll say and I’m sure the other passengers on the trip felt the same as I did. At least they didn’t go all the way to Oceanside. They got off around Carlsbad. Anyway…

So I get off in Oceanside and it’s raining. Some older couple got off the train with me and their family laughed and said, “Welcome to the great Southern California weather.” It was kind of funny as there was nothing but overcast skies and some drops of rain. Not what you’d expect I guess. It was a bit on the chilly side too and I wasn’t too smart in my attire choices. I wore a muscle workout shirt with no sleeves and shorts. I did wear plenty of sunscreen lotion this time but like I would need it much.

To be continued…..