Sunny in San Diego

Winners lose but losers win. Everybody dies but not everybody lives. Should the eyes sleep or the body rest or would a night out complete the moment? The answer never speaks the truth. Hollow moments haunt the rain when dust follows pain. Needles and pins crash down hard
or do words sing rhythm-less choruses for no reason at all? Eat the moment but not too fast.  Fight till the death but sometimes it’s better to flee and draw another day.  Friends and enemies, enemies and friends, sometimes the hate describes the life but the love sparks the lonely thoughts.  Where will it end?  Where did it begin?

Been there done that they say. Enjoy every day they claim. Tomorrow is a new day they tell you. What they really should say is sometimes life sucks. Sometimes tomorrow is worse than today. And sometimes next week or next month only shits more crap down on you. Life is never fair. Life isn’t always fun. You try and have fun every day but sometimes you’re lonely in a swarm of a million bees. Maybe you’re lost and don’t know what to believe anymore. It wasn’t always like this. There was hope for the future. But what future really? Maybe it’s all one bad recurring nightmare. Or it could be one pointless life. Save the world from what? Change the world for who? Nothing happening on that front around here. Listen to stories of others and think what the hell have I been doing? Look back and think about wasted time. Wasted goals and dreams. Then you think about one little bee trying to escape and change the world only to find out it can’t even save itself. Little bee turned blue then red, then flew into a zapper and was found dead.

My head hurts. My eyes have blurred vision today. My contacts weren’t the problem. I think I really screwed up my head. Anger issues, depression issues, so so many issues that just don’t seem to be resolved or turning the corner. Each day gets worse. Tommorrow turns out to be a lot worse than today and today was worse than yesterday. What’s the point really? I don’t know anymore.

Even friends try to preach the word of G-d or take me to church. I don’t believe in any of that anymore and in all honesty, I hear the word friend and G-d and it just pisses me off even more. At this point in time if G-d were any other friend of mine, I’d have tossed him aside a long time ago. Wrote him off as a bad friend. So don’t tell me about a friend that’s always there because I don’t feel it or see it or believe it. I just see it as one big joke. For if G-d were real, he’d be an asshole and not a friend. And I’ve had plenty of asshole friends over the years. Heck I had an asshole ex-wife. I don’t need any more friends like that.

You know an odd thing I’ve noticed since I moved to the west coast are people who seem to be flakes and fakes. Yes a lot of people out here(California, Oregon, or Washington) are fakes and flakes. Or more like the term ‘flake’ is often used for everything when it comes to communication issues or plain old rude behavior. There are times when you just want to avoid confrontation and arguments and then ignore somebody. Nothing wrong with that. There are other times when you have to put on the happy face and go with the flow for political or friend related concerns. Other times you just put somebody in their place. Not here in California or Seattle for most people. It seems they aren’t flakes or fakes. Flat out liars and assholes. Nothing wrong with that if they admit it. Or as I like to call them, ‘pretend nice people’.

What is a ‘pretend nice person’ ?

It is a person who would be considered a flake. Instead of telling you they aren’t coming or they have other plans or they don’t want to come, they avoid the whole conversation. Sometimes they’ll say they are coming or going. Sometimes they’ll just ignore the question but ask to be invited somewhere. It is a weird occurrence that seems to happen all the time out here. And it doesn’t seem to matter if it’s males, females, friends, dates, girlfriends, boyfriends, co-workers, managers, etc. If you don’t want to go or can’t go just say it. These lame excuses or avoidance tactics are asshole behavior. AKA pretend nice person behavior.

It’s also a person who continues to talk to you even though they can’t stand you. It’s a person who talks about you to everybody else but pretends to be your friend for no reason at all. I mean sometimes in certain circles you don’t want to hate on one person if everybody else thinks that person is cool. You might come off as the uncool person or hater. But when your social circles don’t really connect and you have no real relationship, what the hell is the point? Avoid the person, ignore the person or tell them to leave you alone. But no it’s the whole pretend to be into for whatever the hell reason. AKA pretend nice person behavior.

It can be a person who makes all these plans with others and never shows up. And either they have some lame excuse or lame last minute story or they avoid you long enough so the next time you see them they assume you forgot about that event they never showed up to. Really sucks when you have to plan ahead for it and count them as one of the guests who plan to show up. So instead of standing up and telling you the real reason they couldn’t go or tell you they didn’t want to go in the first place, they act like assholes. The truth is they are really assholes who don’t think they are assholes. AKA pretend nice people.

It sure seems on the east coast a lot more people will tell you like it is while on the west coast half the people are pretend nice. Which just means they are assholes who can’t admit the truth. And the truth is ‘pretend nice people’ are nothing more than assholes. They can call themselves whatever the hell they want.