Nothing wrong with any of that. But to me Florida is boring. It’s humid. It’s hot. It’s rained almost every day that I’ve been here. And I’ve been here for almost 6 months. I thought Seattle was bad, South Florida is worse. True it’ll only rain for an hour or two, but then the bugs come out and it’s sticky. Nothing like 90 degree weather with 100 percent humidity. You walk outside and you are already soaked. Plus it’s one big plaza malls. Every single block looks alike. Publix here, Publix there, a Dunkin Donuts here and a Dunkin Donuts there. My nephew came to visit and he asked me two questions. “Why does it rain all the time?” and “Why are there soo many malls that look the same?”
It’s easy to get lost because there is no originality.

Anyway, anybody that ever tells you South Florida is wonderful is full of crap. Come visit for a week or two in the winter and leave. It’s a place I sure as hell dont’ want to be.

It’s been a strange year.

A little over a year ago I was an out of control thirty something single guy with a good job(albeit kind of boring, with lousy management, and dead end-ish), good friends, a cool roomie, and tons of new people to meet and plenty of wonderful places to explore. Times were fun. There were no worries, no real responsibilities, no real cares, and nothing really pushing me in one direction or the other. I guess you could call me a drifter. But an adventurous drifter tying to find oneself in the world. Everything was new in a sense. Everything was old. Everything was an exploration of riches.

I didn’t really know where I was going nor did I care. I was out to have fun. I was out to explore the world. And I was really free for the first time in my adult life. There were other moments along the way, but there were always barriers. Sometimes I had no money. Many times my friends had no money. Other times I had a girlfriend. Other times I was back in school or working mad hours. And most of the time I lived in places where nothing really ever happened. It was the same crap, different day theory. People never changed. They never cared to explore or learn or think outside the box. A lot of people had the mentality of hopelessness. It wasn’t that it was a bad life, it was more or less the feeling of being stuck in a place with nothing really happening and no desire, want, or plan that anything would ever happen. Lots of complaining. Lots of people who see pictures of the world and assume they’d never see those places. I was never one to have that mindset. I needed to explore the world for whatever reason. And for most of my adult life, I did try and explore what I could. But it was always moments. You can only see so much in a weekend.

A short weekend is far different than moving to those places and really discovering what they were about. What the people were about. What the companies were about. What the culture was like. What the real history was like. And meeting the people who lived in those places, grew up in those places and/or moved to those places. That’s when you discover what it’s like to be living/from such and such place. And when I moved out west, it was the first time I really experienced that. However again, I was not free, more like open to exploration while being attached to by a nagging grump who really didn’t see things the way I did nor did they care. Again, nothing wrong with that, but it makes things less adventurous when they aren’t an adventurous person and they constantly complain about that fact. You could say they were more or less a person who was glad to get away from New Jersey.

And looking back, it must have been great to have traveled around and lived in many places without worrying about paying for this or paying for that. Who wouldn’t enjoy that kind of freedom for a bit. Somebody else worries about the bills. Somebody else worries about transportation. Somebody else worries about rent. Somebody else worries about jobs. Somebody else gets to be the bored such and such and explore different places and people while you work all day. So again, the freedom wasn’t there when half your money is being spent on a very ungrateful person who really isn’t into the same things as you. You can’t really go off and explore Mt Rainier when you have somebody who doesn’t like that and would be upset if you went off by yourself for a few days. It is what it is I guess.

Looking back now with a clearer mindset, it was something that never should have happened from the start. But sometimes you do stupid things, then try to prove others wrong, and then just get into a routine. The god honest truth was I really couldn’t stand that person from day one. There were qualities that I did like, but mostly, they were a person who was rather dull, boring, hopeless, and unintelligent. I’m not saying she was stupid, just not somebody you’d ever consider educated even if she had a degree. Some people are ambitious. Some people are adventurous. I’ve been called those things at times. I’ve also been called stubborn and careless and aloof. But she didn’t have any of those traits. We really shared nothing in common. Why the hell we ever got together escapes me.

Well, I was down on my luck, stuck in a place I hated, bored, lonely, and worked all the time, so things happen. She was a person who was down on her luck, bored, hated where she lived and knew I had my own place far away from where she lived. Stupid things like that happen all the time and then they end. Unfortunately it just continued to drag on and on and on and on. There were a million fights. A million arguments. I’d say almost every day went by where I was miserable or just had that aloof attitude and did my own thing. Whether it was going on adventurous escapes and she tagged along with her disinterested grumpy attitude or I spent a lot of time writing, working on videos/etc, or I spent lots of time on my computer. It was what it was and it was never really good. And the truth is I really had no desire ever to marry that girl.

If I never joined the Army, we’d have never been married. That’s just the facts of life. But I felt like it was the right thing to do since I was going off to ‘war’ and who knows what happens then. There were feelings but mostly the entire relationship was filled with that notion that I’d never be one of those people who fell in love or found love. We would watch some movie about people falling in love and I’d feel like that’ll never happen to me. Sad really but it was what it was. Even years later when I’d make some adventure videos to show on the net and to show my family places I’m living and visiting, people would say the two of us look like side kicks and not a couple. Her father even told her that one time. It was what it was. I honestly didn’t like her as a person. Like I said, i found her to be boring and a pest. I also always felt like I was being used or more like she was just leaching off of me all those years.

You could say that if things were that bad, then just move on The sad truth is at one point in my life, and hopefully I’m different now, but I’d be the kind of person who would stick at a job I hated for years and years. One of my first jobs is a case in point. It was boring. It was filled with people about to retire or talking about retiring. It was old technology. As far as jobs go, it was kind of a job that doesn’t promote career growth. I did meet a lot of great people and I did learn a lot, but at a certain point, many people were telling me I needed to find another job or I’d be stuck like them. But I hate interviewing. I hate being forced to meet new people I may or may not like. Oh don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people. I just don’t like meeting a lot of people who are judging you like techies do and then you are forced to work with those same people who might be smart as hell, but about as personable as a brick wall. Add to the fact I’ve never been one who was too high on my own abilities on top of the whole working with old technology problem and bam…. stuck at same job. I remember working day after day being bored and thinking, “i guess I’ll be stuck here forever doing this same crap.” It was depressing. Especially considering I’ve always been a creative person and this was as far from a creative job as you can get. Maintaining 35 year old technology wasn’t exactly doing much for me in any way. Which brings me back to the relationship issue. It’s the same analogy. At some point you just figure your life sucks and you’re stuck. I would have probably been better off alone, but nobody really things like that. At least not me. You just accept being miserable and lifeless.

To this day that job really hasn’t helped me in my career. I should have stuck around for maybe a year and then found something better. But I lived in Southern NJ where there wasn’t much better and it was the whole dot com bust era. Years later as the department was cut back, my manager pushed into a different department in a different city, my office roomie retired, and then I was laid off and got my ‘escape’ I guess. Who knows what would have happened if that didn’t happen? Maybe i’d be stuck in misery land? I should have quit, I should have found something better, but at some point you become driven into the mindless submission of ‘this is your life’ and you suddenly wake up and realize you’re just like everybody else you grew up with. Stuck in a dead end life with no hope. And you just live in misery hoping that one day you’ll win the lottery. How the hell did I wind up at that point? I don’t know. Same thing went with the whole relationship. I do remember a time when I first moved to Seattle how annoyed and tired of her I was and just wanted her to go back to NJ and I stay in Seattle. Of course, she had no place else to go, so it was what it was.

You become content I guess. Or more like you give up on happiness and just accept things for what they are and deal with it. I spent most of my adult life working in a career I really can’t stand. You build things that most people don’t ever give you credit for. You spend 100 hours and get paid for 40 hours building something that might just get canceled anyway and you have to start over. You work with a bunch of anti social arrogant pricks who aren’t as smart as they think. You work with lots of managers who have no clue about technology but proceed to assume they know what the hell you are talking about. Then you get pushed into the fact that most of your time these days is spent trying to comprehend what somebody is saying because they don’t speak English. Most of your time is spent speaking to somebody 10,000 miles away. And again, they don’t speak English. But these people are more qualified than your former co-workers who were let go? Yeah if you doing all their work qualifies them, then I guess so. The sad truth is that it’s boring as shit and serves no purpose. Most of the time your fixing or updating something that really doesn’t need to be fixed. Or you upgrade something that really doesn’t need to be upgraded. You build reports that don’t show anything different than the reports you built last week. You build systems and analyze data that essentially puts thousands of people out of work. How the hell are you supposed to feel when the same shit happens to you? For years us techies have been eliminating peoples jobs, we’ve been the reason behind number crunching, crashes, firings, lay offs, etc. We just don’t get the blame but everybody uses the numbers, reports, and data we provide. Maybe it’s karma that a lot of tech jobs are now going to India and to visa workers. Because for years we’ve been putting lots of people out of work and never gave a crap. If you work in IT long enough and for enough different companies, you start to figure things out and you start to become the goto person. You also can’t ignore the truth. We are the reason lots of people lost jobs. You can hide under those facts, but it is what it is and you must deal with it. It just kind of sucks to feel that way in a career that you really hated since day one.

It was always just a job to me. And the longer I go in this ‘job’ the more dead I feel inside. So the freedom was never really freedom. My adventures, sky dives, ocean dives, swims, runs, bike rides, hikes, etc are more or less escapes from the truth. I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie. I’ve always been adventurous. Hell I’ve always been a little out there. I build a baseball field with a backstop and all long before Field of Dreams came about. I tore down an old swing set, got some old pipes and nets, dug up some sand and gravel, found some cheap bases, and built a baseball field at my parents house when I was in 6th grade I think. I spent a couple of months every weekend when I wasn’t playing baseball or studying building that damn field. I did it all for the big memorial day weekend. What kid in their right mind would have spent all that time by themselves building a baseball field for no real reason at all? I guess me.

Anyway I’ve gone round about nothing here and need to finish up. Now I have a adorable little son who is wonderful. He’s a bit stubborn, he’s grumpy, he never sleeps, but he’s a wonderful little boy with a great future ahead of him. All this leads to nothing really. I have no real point to this story I guess. If I found an IT job in some biotech out to save the world company, i’d enjoy that. But will that ever happen? Who knows. Until then I guess I need to find myself. And a point would be not to waste soo much time doing things you don’t like to do, being in relationships you don’t like, and just doing or being in places you don’t like. You only live once. If you spend most of that time just marching to whatever people tell you you should do or banging on a wall because that’s just the norm and you’re too afraid to climb over that wall, it’s really never worth it.

At the end of the day you have to look in that mirror. If you spent half your life stuck in something or stuck somewhere because that’s just the way it is or that’s what other people tell you or because you’re afraid of the unknown or afraid of change, well remember, they aren’t the ones looking back at you. You are.

Keina and Dylvan hate one another.
They are from different worlds and live entirely separate lives and hold onto vast different life and death philosophies.

She was a frail human woman neglected by her opium addicted mother and abandoned by her abusive alcoholic father. This was only the start of her trials and tribulations though.

For she became cursed into a disease infested rat by a once rejected witch priest because of her acne, alcohol use and plenty of teenage rage and rebellion. This lasted eons.

Fortunately and unfortunaltely an aging demented but bright Salem like wanna be female witch chemist took her in as a pet and mistakenly morphed her back into a scantly clad prostitute slave of a woman. This allowed the witch to continue in her madness by pimping out Keina. This again lasted for eons until the old witch croaked on her own morphed chemicals.

She was free at last to be a human female. Yes she had diseases and emotional scars but she was free. A free human. Then she fell im love.

Tenloni Bizl Naxroinast was one of the oldest predated vampires around. He was once one of her clients. She became soo enchanted by this nomadic vampire and thus was convinced to be biten into that lifestyle. Except she didnt exactly become a vampire due to her unpure blood and disease infestations. She became a mutant morohed vampire human. To say she’s confused would be an understatement.

The lil guy never sleeps. He’s stubborn. He always wants to be held. He likes to kick and punch already. He’s an escape artist and doesn’t like to be comfined by swaddle mes, mittens, socks or blankets. And he can yell and scream with the best of them.

And hey, he was one of eight born on the 10th at our hospital and he was the only male. And he was The only one kicking and complaining in the nursery as the others rested. Attention seeker already.

Everybody in the hospital knew us. I felt like a celebrity. He’s the popular little man causing all the trouble. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

One of these days the lil guy will pop his head into the world and I’ll be a first time father. Debbie will be a first time mom.

Can happen anytime anyday they say. Didn’t happen July 2 like one doctor told us. That was when he was supposed to arrive and all the way up until two weeks ago, that was the assumption. Then July 7 became the day but an ultrasound showed she was further along than that. Who knows.

This due date isnt an exact science. Many children dont arrive on their due dates. In fact, about 95 percent arent born on their due date. 95 percent. So who knows. Due dates is a loose term obviously.

So we wait. 40 weeks and counting. They say a lot of first time moms go into labor 41-42 weeks…but who knows. Just a waiting game now.

And it’s 10 months pregnant not 9.
Hell, full term isn’t until 37 weeks on.
I Always thought 9 months, 36 weeks, etc etc etc and I’m not the only one who thought this in the world.
But we wait…and wait…

One of these days.

Now I just get weekly updates about the situation, if I’m still interested and if I have anything else on my plate or lined up. I imagine this could go on forever and really it’s just a job and not wow i can’t wait. As far as the west coast trip to Bev Hills, well, it went well but haven’t heard anything. Plus with a kid on the way that’s a stress to up and move at this point.

Hopefully something great comes up that I actually like with great career potential. Who knows.

South Beach is crazy but other than that south Florida is boring or dangerous. Job front is ok but waiting on intetesting things instead of settling on boredom waste filled jobs.

Nobody cares to know you had eye contact with so and so or you were an extra of an extra on some tv show or movie nobody heard of. And then after all that bragging you go wait some tables at a 24 hour diner. Or youre just some trust fund kid with no purpose in life. Make something happen don’t brag about some fake life that doesn’t really exist. And don’t act like a damn big shot when you’re nobody. Too many losers in LA LA land who wait tables who think they are somebody special.
Plenty of people make things happen and work on their own things or they work on great projects. They don’t need to brag about “this big break” that will happen some day.

Big break? Come on now. The big break is when these wanna be actors and actresses and writers are long gone. People with no talent just want their 15 minutes of fame and sell their bodies and souls for what? 99 percent of them never make anything. They also don’t have any real purpose except
To become famous and rich. Sad really.

And then there arw The sob stories we always hear about. Hell even some who do make a few bucks and garner a bit of fame really never made it. And they never made it because it’s not just about fame and money. Yeah it might happen and there are plenty of bad ideas and actors and writers who become wealthy. Then they overdose or disappear and people wonder what happened.

“the creative geniuses” have a hard time they say. Might be True in a sense. The Jimi Hendrix or Jimmy Morrison’s or Michael Jacksons of the world were great artists who died young. Their madness made them great but also killed them. But the Corey Haims of the world? It’s sad to see somebody die and waste away their life but come on now. Nobody thought this was a sad day for hollywood. It was a sad day for his friends and family and fans. But he wasn’t some creative genius. Hell he wasn’t even any good when he was popular over 20 some odd years ago.

Sad? Yes. A true loss? Not moreso than anybody else who dies because of drugs and alcohol or anything else.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that besides a Santa Monica here and a Beverly Hills there, Los Angeles is really one big dump. Remove Hollywood and celebrities from the mix and who would ever want to visit or even live in Los Angeles? It’s really a blue collar town without many jobs. Shipping industy and sweatshops and a bunch of mom and pop like stores from a variety of cultures and personalities. But they all survive because it’s “Hollywood” and not much else. Like I said if there were no Hollywood LA might just be another Camden or Newark or Tacoma. Or it could even become like Detroit. Who knows. Places that have tons of potential and culture but due to No good jobs, various education issues, corruption and lack of hope, they are run down and in a sense, hopeless communities. I think Newark, NJ has improved over the Years but not enough.

It’s sad really.

Really sad when you see ads on tv from celebrities and politicians pushing for donations from normal everyday working people who can barely afford their mortgages or rent or even food. Make a difference? It’s kind of ridiculous when somebody gets paid 20 million a movie or 20 million a year to swing a bat or throw a football pushes people who might earn 12 bucks an hour for money. Americans always donate. Some people donate more than
Others but don’t need to inform the world that they are doing so.

Anyway Thats my Thoughts.